What is “Single Parent Alienation”?

In recent years, an interesting phenomenon known as “one-parent alienation” has been studied in many countries.

Parental Alienation” is a strange and ingenious phenomenon in which one parent tells the child that the other parent may not be a very nice person, or separates the child from the parent so that the child does not have to deal with the other parent, at a life milestone such as divorce or separation. This is a strange and clever phenomenon. Of course, this affects the healthy development of the child. In Japan, there are many cases, in particular, where one-parent alienation is created as a result of “child abduction.

Vicious Cycle Starting with “Child Abduction” – Alienation of One Parent

Child abduction” refers to the act of one parent taking a child and changing his or her residence without the consent of the other parent. Not only is the physical move limited, but the psychological distance steadily increases as the interaction is cut off. This is also called “biological child abduction,” and eventually develops into the problem of “single-parent alienation.

This phenomenon is actually deeply connected to Japan’s “sole custody system. Many people say that the rule that only one parent is given custody after divorce encourages “child abduction.
Indeed, the unspoken rule that “the first one to take the child wins” prevails in some parts of the country, and a system has been established that somehow works in favor of the other parent in custody disputes. And, once a “pre-existing condition” has been established, there is no end to the number of cases in which custody is handed over to that parent without any careful investigation. There is concern that this situation could lead to the beginning of a single-parent alienation, which could have a negative impact on the child’s development.

Now, how exactly does this “one-parent alienation” negatively affect separated parents and children? Let us first listen to the voices of those involved and then delve deeper through the research of experts.

Whose Childcare? The Suffering of Alienated Father

In 2022, Mr. Akira (pseudonym) had his children taken away by his wife, her lawyer, and his wife’s relatives.
Mr. Akira tells his story as follows. My wife neglected the children and was addicted to a pyramid scheme, so I was actually the primary caretaker of the children as their father. However, during the divorce proceedings, my wife unilaterally took the children away from me and I have not been able to see them since then. I have never stopped wanting to see my children.”

And he faces further problems in family court.

Reality in Family Court: The One Who Takes You Wins

In 2023, Akira began mediation (Chotei) at the family court to reunite with his children. (“Mediation” in Japanese family courts is a procedure for resolving family problems and disputes through discussion rather than court proceedings. Basically, a divorce issue cannot be brought to court from the beginning, but must first go through mediation in the family court. )
However, although the place is called “mediation,” in reality it seems that the ex-wife’s side had the sole right to be there. The ex-wife’s side repeatedly made insulting remarks to Mr. Akira, and furthermore, the mediator said, “The children say their father is disgusting and they don’t want to see him. Mr. Akira calmly stated, “That is not true. The children said they wanted to see him,” but the evidence was ignored as if it were air, and his claims were neatly shut down.

The arbitrators and investigators didn’t even seem to listen to me. Akira shrugs his shoulders, but his anger is evident. In talking with other victims who have had children taken from them, Akira has found that “the person who took the child wins” in Japanese family courts, and that this is one of the reasons why parents and children are not reunited.

The reality that the family court, which is supported by the public taxpayers’ money, is more focused on crunching the numbers of cases than on the bond between parents and children, and it is no wonder that this seems to be the case.

The Effects of Single Parent Alienation – What Happens to Children?

Continued single-parent alienation is known to have serious negative psychological effects on children.

Akira continues. “During mediation in 2024, I learned that the children were not attending school. My ex-wife’s side argued that the children were on the autism spectrum and therefore could not go to school, but during the time I had custody of the children, they were fine and attending school, and I have strong doubts about this situation.” He added, “I don’t even know if they are well now. I cannot allow the other party to justify their actions even at the expense of my children.” His frustration oozes from every word.

Single Parental Alienation as a Form of Domestic Violence

Next, let us refer to a study published in 2018 by three American university professors.
The paper reports shocking findings on the impact of Parental Alienating Behaviors on children.

Title：「Parental Alienating Behaviors: An Unacknowledged Form of Family Violence」
Some excerpts of the contents are summarized below:

Major Behavioral Patterns of Parents Alienating Separated Parents

There are several typical patterns of behavior that are the primary behaviors of cohabiting parents who alienate their separated parents. First, they may show contempt for the separated parent and instill fear in the child. In addition, the cohabiting parent may show rejection or humiliation when the child shows affection for the separated parent, or when the cohabiting parent makes positive comments about the separated parent, the cohabiting parent may stop showing affection for the child.

They may also attempt to manipulate the child’s memory by rewriting past history, or by giving false information about the separated parent in an attempt to create conflict between the child and the separated parent. In some cases, the cohabiting parent may “force” the child to choose one parent over the other, or inappropriately treat the child as an adult in order to get the needs of the cohabiting parent met.

Other times, they treat the child like a spy, forcing the child to spy on the separated parent or inducing the child to act antisocially. Behaviors such as interrogating the child after visits with the separated parent or forcing the child to throw away gifts from the separated parent have also been observed. There is concern that the accumulation of these behaviors can have a significant impact on the child.

Impact on Children

There are several characteristic changes that can be observed in the effects of such single-parent alienation on the child. First, the child may either reject the separated parent completely or develop a “duality” that uses different emotions depending on the other. They may also be forced to deny part of their self-identity, for example, changing their family name.

Furthermore, infantilization and adulthood can occur simultaneously. The child becomes dependent on his or her parents while at the same time being forced to assume the role of an adult, which can be confusing for the child. In these situations, there is also concern that continued neglect of emotional needs can have serious consequences for psychological development.

Tendency of Parents to Alienate Separated Parents

Cohabiting parents who alienate their separated parents exhibit several characteristics. First, they tend to act without consideration of the impact on their children and may fight for full custody, even if they do not want the time with their children. They also often have difficulty understanding and empathizing with their children’s feelings due to their own psychological problems.

In addition, there is a tendency toward neglect, with parents’ own needs often taking precedence over those of their children. Additionally, in many cases, it is felt that they do not fully recognize the importance of their love for and care of their children. It has been pointed out that these behaviors can have a significant impact on the child.

Extreme cases

Extreme cases have been reported in which For example, they may perform rituals as if they were “burying” a living separated parent. They may also use a psychological abuse technique called gaslighting to distort the child’s memories and perceptions. In addition, it has been seen to deny the separated parent the opportunity to raise the child and instead choose a third-party caregiver.

Commonalities between Alienating and Neglectful Parents

Several similarities can be observed between alienating and neglectful parents. First, they act without consideration of the impact on the child. Another characteristic is that the parent’s needs are often prioritized over the child’s needs and the child’s emotional needs are seriously ignored. Furthermore, in many cases, parents’ own psychological problems make it difficult for them to understand and show empathy for their children’s emotional needs.

As described above, the research emphasizes that parental alienation behavior is not just a “little fight between parents,” but a form of so-called domestic violence (DV) that can have a serious impact on the child’s mind. This goes far beyond the category of parental skirmishes.

New Forms of Domestic Violence – Impact of Alienation from One Parent and Social Issues

The authors of the paper argue for greater public awareness of this issue and urge the need for appropriate intervention and support. They conclude that maintaining a good relationship with both parents is essential for the healthy development of children, and that the prevention of single-parent alienation is urgently needed.

The results of this study confirm the anguish of parents and children in situations like Mr. Akira’s, and suggest that society as a whole needs to seriously address this issue. Isn’t it time to seriously address this issue in order to protect the future of our children?